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Baby-The Owners' Manual
by Carol Witt
Congratulations! You are the proud
owner of a brand new BABY™.
(BABY™ is a registered trademark
of God And His Myriad Wonders, Inc). If it is properly maintained and used only for the purposes for which it was intended, your BABY™ will bring you many years of bliss, joy and fulfilment.
(Disclaimer: BABY™ may also bring you
sleepless nights, fretfulness, hormonal
disturbance, loss of bladder control and
harassment by well-meaning but opinionated
strangers and/or in-laws.)

Quality and Reliability
Your BABY™ uses highly effective,
state-of-the-art baby technology made
portable for convenient use in your
home, playground or day care centre.
Traditionally hand-crafted using simple
tools, your BABY™ will run for years on
easily-obtainable, natural fuels, and will
create very little bio-waste and only a few
potentially toxic gases.

Assembly Instructions
Your unit should come pre-assembled and ready for operation. If your unit seems to be missing the external outlet valve (Fig. I Part XY), please note that this is not a design or assembly fault. You have the female model.
Connecting to the Power Supply
Do not connect to the power supply.
Do not try to insert batteries.
If BABY™ seems to be running low on
energy, simply attach mouth (Fig. I Part A) to nipple (Fig.2 Parts B or C). Your unit may need recharging several times a day.

Installation
To keep the unit in top condition at all
times, observe the following precautions:
• Do not expose to sun or rain.
• Avoid extremely dusty locations or close proximity to wild animal (especially if dusty).
• Always try to provide sufficient
circulation of air around the unit – except around the bottom plate, which should be hermetically sealed in industrial-strength containment devices, called nappies.
Cleaning and Maintenance
Your BABY™ is made from all-natural,
waterproof, stain-resistant materials and,
if treated with care, will not shrink or fade.
For general cleaning, BABY™ should be
hand-washed using a mild detergent in
lukewarm water. Do not machine wash or
dry clean. For caked-on dirt and stubborn
stains, do not use solvents or harsh
abrasives. Simply wash, rinse and repeat.
Towel dry only - do not iron.

Operating Instructions
Only one person at a time should operate
BABY™.
Do not operate while under the influence of alcohol or medication, or while operating heavy machinery. Light machinery is okay.
Keep hands away from moving parts
- especially the mouth (Fig. I Part A).
If you experience nausea, dizziness and
shortness of breath, put BABY™ down
immediately-its nappy might need changing.

When to Change Baby
If your unit is making excessive noise, and air quality around the BABY™ is noticeably reduced, the nappy may be clogged with contaminants. Replace the nappy every two to four hours, depending on the volume of contaminants trapped.

How to Change Baby
CAUTION: disconnect the unit from
the nipple before servicing. No tools are
needed. To change the nappy, there are
only two acceptable methods. Either...
1. Place the unit on a horizontal surface.
2. Remove the two nappy securing straps.
3. Take a deep breath, adjust your
protective mask.
4. Lift the unit from the nappy.
5. Knock contaminated nappy into secure,
lead-lined bin.
6. Clean unit.
7. Wrap new nappy around unit and
secure it with the two straps.
8. Breathe out.
Or get someone else to do it.
Troubleshooting Tips
Unit makes no sound?
Could be in 'sleeping' mode. Do not awake.
Unit leaking?
Overflow outlet valve designed to leak'.
Do not plug or tie off.


Unit leaking oil?
Owner fault. Baby oil should only be
applied externally.
Unit walking on hind legs, stamping feet and
constantly demanding attention?
Congratulations' You are the proud owner
of a brand new TODDLER™